The relief in feeling my feelings

On sadness and panic when things change or ends

Few months back, my parents gave my two-wheeler scooter to someone as I was not using it for years now. It was a gift from my grandmother when I was in class 10th. I still remember the day very clearly when we bought it. It was the last day of my final exams. I came home from school, happy and excited for summer holidays. Also, excited for going to showroom in the evening to pick my two-wheeler with my dad. I wanted it in full black color, but they had in black and brown color mix. They convinced my dad to buy this color instead of waiting for black color. I was not fully happy with the color choice. I still remember the thrill and excitement to ride it from showroom to my home.

Photo by Hamza Bounaim on Unsplash

Logically it makes sense to give it to somebody as nobody was using it but still, I was sad on the day when I got to know, somebody took it to their home from my parent’s home. I had more than a decade of memories associated with it, school, college and tuition rides with my friends. I had one serious accident while riding it. The sadness settled in few hours, and I think, I am gonna go and see my scooter at someone’s else house when I am back.

Last week, I completed a project I was doing at my work. I have been working on this project from last five months and the project was supposed to be on for few more weeks but due to some budget issues, I got to know on Wednesday afternoon that I will be finishing the work on Friday. When I heard that, there were mixed feelings in that moment. Sadness and panic were part of what I was feeling.

Sadness is a common feeling we can have when anything big or small ends or changes. It can last up to years depending on what has changed or ended. The panic comprised of worries and anxiety about what’s next. Sometimes when the things end or change, there is nothing in place or certain for future and that is something I have been learning to deal with in my life.

By end of Thursday, the feelings settled into I am looking forward to this pause as I have been very crazy busy from last few weeks. I don’t know how long this pause will be for, may be a day or a week. This pause could be the breather my soul is craving for. The panic changed into excitement of what’s next, the excitement of meeting and connecting to new humans and having new experiences. It is also a good time to reflect on what’s important to me and what is seeking my attention in my inner and outer world.

Sometimes my sadness is even too much even for myself, and I intentionally avoid consuming any content which I know can make me sadder in any way. Sometimes I really enjoy watching something which doesn’t have a very happy ending. This journey of learning to give my sadness the space and time it is asking for has been a fulfilling one. It has made me realize there is something very beautiful in this journey and when you let it feel through, it might pass by and change into something beautiful. May be, like all our pleasant and unpleasant feelings, sadness is just a reminder of our sensitive beautiful souls but also the reminder of ever-changing landscape of life. When the next time you feel sad about something, welcome it with some love, warmth and a cup of tea, may be. I hope you all are doing well. Thanks for being here.

Lots of love and healing,

Harneek!

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This week’s recommendations:

• Rush Hour by

  Anagha Smrithi
  . This was a treat to read for me as it took me back to my Delhi metro days. This one really proves how beautifully words can be used to describe any plight or feelings

• 10 PM Conversations with my friend - Ayushi by

  Utkarsha Srivastava
  . I giggled while reading this. Such a sweet conversation between two women about life and everything in between

• Constraints create creativity by

  Rishabh Khaneja
  . A good read about what sometimes the constraints and obstacles on our path can trigger or amplify our creativity