Generally speaking, it's never a good idea to become dependent. The one you depend on can withdraw the thing you need, and this could cause your life to spiral out of control.
However, as you so rightly point out, sometimes it becomes hard or impossible to avoid it. Relations and connections may just gravitate towards this eventuality.
Here, you better hope those you've grown to depend on also value the relationship as much as you do. Otherwise, they may feel burdened, decelerating things or discontinuing them altogether.
These things tend to be a question of degree, and I think those involved can always detect when things appear to be going too far and alter course, if necessary.
Yup I agree, too much dependency can burden the relationship and cause issues. But it’s hard to avoid it completely. So striving for some balance can help and understanding of others perspective might help 😊
Thanks for sharing this Harneek, emotional dependency is an always tricky, it’s something that we will be navigating for as long as we live. There will be times when we will become emotionally dependent consciously or subconsciously or people will become dependent on us consciously or subconsciously. I think it’s always good to review and reflect from time to time to take an inventory of our feelings.
Yes, you are completely right, sometimes it can happen subconsciously too and it is hard to deal with the subconscious patterns of yours or others. It’s a tricky one, you have to trust your intuition and gut, while navigating this 😊
This is a beautiful read Harneek. Emotional dependency is a big word I feel. It is something we rarely 'think' about. It is something we 'are' all the times, but we forget we can always zoom out, think and improve what we think.
I personally connect to this, grew up in a joint family too. Learnt the hard way that we need to find a 'balance'. Yes caring about people is important but not at the expense of our own mental well being.
If we are not well, we cannot be there for our loved ones in the best way possible.
So zooming out often, reflecting and improving our thoughts, finding a balance btwn doing and expecting from others is crucial to keep our emotional dependency in check.
This was a really nuanced piece, Harneek. There is a fine line between becoming too dependent on others and trying to be too independent. As humans, we all need community, belonging, and support. But we tend to go after people who reflect the experiences we had growing up, which weren’t always ideal. I recently realized I am drawn to emotionally unavailable people because that’s the experience I had growing up with my mom. It made me realize that I cannot look for validation of my sense of self from outside sources; that must come from within. But others definitely can and do uplift, inspire, and support me. If one has a handful of good friends, I think they should consider themselves super lucky. Thanks for sharing your beautiful writing!☺️
I completely agree with you Nida on how we attract the things we have experienced in our childhood in friendships or other relationships in life. It takes lot of efforts to break these cycles and create something which is actually healthy. Thank you for your comment and sharing your journey 💚💚
I have been in so many relationships - friendships, romantic, family - that were because I was not emotionally healed and was looking for validation. I am now trying to only allow relationships that are an equal give and take.
Hmm it’s a hard one, saying no to people based on how they have been treating your heart, when a part of you likes them or loves them or wants them to be your person.
I just read your latest Substack post, and wow, you really nailed it! Your insights into emotional dependency are spot on. It’s clear how much thought and heart you put into your writing. Keep shining a light on these important topics—you’re making a difference, my friend. And hey, if you ever need someone to chat with about these deep thoughts, I’m here. Sending you positive vibes and looking forward to your next post!
“The thing with emotional dependency is it can hurt you if you don’t choose the right people.“ This is so true. Thank you for this beautiful piece, Harneek. And I’m so moved to know you enjoyed my essay. I am honoured to be featured alongside these wonderful writers. So grateful.
Thanks Trivarna for your comment and I am glad it resonated. I had double thoughts on publishing this one and I don’t know why. Sometimes if we are feeling down due to something else in life, it reflects in everything we do. Thank you the restack too, I feel grateful 💚💚
“Sometimes if we are feeling down due to something else in life, it reflects in everything we do.” This is absolutely true. I’m sending you my love. May you be surrounded by all the care you need, always. And yes, of course, I was more than happy to restack your beautiful piece. ❤️
As human beings we are made to seek connections since we were born. But that doesn’t mean that you have to be dependent on somebody to make you happy. It’s true that what our close ones do might sometimes hurt. But your state of mind depends on how you respond to those situations. At least that’s what I concentrate upon. How it made me feel and how I’m choosing to respond.
For a seed to germinate it must be planted in the right soil, fertilised and watered regularly. It may not need as much care as it grows older but there will be times when it still needs to be cared for.
No man is an island. Loneliness kills. We must surround ourselves with people who fertilise our souls. Or else we will wither away.
Thank you Elizabeth for your comment and sharing your story. I have been there too, seeking a lot of validation and approval in relationships. Now I am on a healing journey and understand what I was doing and how it could have burdened the relationship. But even though we complete heal and as healing is not a linear journey, we can sometimes have needs around some of our insecurities and it’s ok to seek emotional support during those times 😊💚
Generally speaking, it's never a good idea to become dependent. The one you depend on can withdraw the thing you need, and this could cause your life to spiral out of control.
However, as you so rightly point out, sometimes it becomes hard or impossible to avoid it. Relations and connections may just gravitate towards this eventuality.
Here, you better hope those you've grown to depend on also value the relationship as much as you do. Otherwise, they may feel burdened, decelerating things or discontinuing them altogether.
These things tend to be a question of degree, and I think those involved can always detect when things appear to be going too far and alter course, if necessary.
Yup I agree, too much dependency can burden the relationship and cause issues. But it’s hard to avoid it completely. So striving for some balance can help and understanding of others perspective might help 😊
Thanks for sharing this Harneek, emotional dependency is an always tricky, it’s something that we will be navigating for as long as we live. There will be times when we will become emotionally dependent consciously or subconsciously or people will become dependent on us consciously or subconsciously. I think it’s always good to review and reflect from time to time to take an inventory of our feelings.
Yes, you are completely right, sometimes it can happen subconsciously too and it is hard to deal with the subconscious patterns of yours or others. It’s a tricky one, you have to trust your intuition and gut, while navigating this 😊
This is a beautiful read Harneek. Emotional dependency is a big word I feel. It is something we rarely 'think' about. It is something we 'are' all the times, but we forget we can always zoom out, think and improve what we think.
I personally connect to this, grew up in a joint family too. Learnt the hard way that we need to find a 'balance'. Yes caring about people is important but not at the expense of our own mental well being.
If we are not well, we cannot be there for our loved ones in the best way possible.
So zooming out often, reflecting and improving our thoughts, finding a balance btwn doing and expecting from others is crucial to keep our emotional dependency in check.
Saima can’t agree more on how beautifully you have described it, sending you love on your journey 💚💚
Thank you Harneek! Like wise 😊
This was a really nuanced piece, Harneek. There is a fine line between becoming too dependent on others and trying to be too independent. As humans, we all need community, belonging, and support. But we tend to go after people who reflect the experiences we had growing up, which weren’t always ideal. I recently realized I am drawn to emotionally unavailable people because that’s the experience I had growing up with my mom. It made me realize that I cannot look for validation of my sense of self from outside sources; that must come from within. But others definitely can and do uplift, inspire, and support me. If one has a handful of good friends, I think they should consider themselves super lucky. Thanks for sharing your beautiful writing!☺️
I completely agree with you Nida on how we attract the things we have experienced in our childhood in friendships or other relationships in life. It takes lot of efforts to break these cycles and create something which is actually healthy. Thank you for your comment and sharing your journey 💚💚
You should make an effort to understand your emotional needs before expecting the world to understand it.
And truly, as you expect others to cuddle you, understand your emotions too and use to your advantage and those around you
I have been in so many relationships - friendships, romantic, family - that were because I was not emotionally healed and was looking for validation. I am now trying to only allow relationships that are an equal give and take.
“The thing with emotional dependency is it can hurt you if you don’t choose the right people.” - this is so true.
I think its so important to figure out early on if they are someone that can be trusted with your heart.
You can still treasure them and have them in your life, they just won’t be responsible for your heart and that’s ok. 💕
Thanks Mika, yes you are right. We can keep people in our lives but understand that they are not responsible for my heart’s wellbeing. 💚💚
Definitely easier said than done when you want them to be “your person” - whether it’s a friend, family member or life partner.
Hmm it’s a hard one, saying no to people based on how they have been treating your heart, when a part of you likes them or loves them or wants them to be your person.
Well written ♥️♥️
Thanks Anu 💚💚
I just read your latest Substack post, and wow, you really nailed it! Your insights into emotional dependency are spot on. It’s clear how much thought and heart you put into your writing. Keep shining a light on these important topics—you’re making a difference, my friend. And hey, if you ever need someone to chat with about these deep thoughts, I’m here. Sending you positive vibes and looking forward to your next post!
Thank you Mo for your kind words and all the support, lots of love 💚💚🌸
“The thing with emotional dependency is it can hurt you if you don’t choose the right people.“ This is so true. Thank you for this beautiful piece, Harneek. And I’m so moved to know you enjoyed my essay. I am honoured to be featured alongside these wonderful writers. So grateful.
Thanks Trivarna for your comment and I am glad it resonated. I had double thoughts on publishing this one and I don’t know why. Sometimes if we are feeling down due to something else in life, it reflects in everything we do. Thank you the restack too, I feel grateful 💚💚
“Sometimes if we are feeling down due to something else in life, it reflects in everything we do.” This is absolutely true. I’m sending you my love. May you be surrounded by all the care you need, always. And yes, of course, I was more than happy to restack your beautiful piece. ❤️
Thank you Trivarna for your kind words, it means the world to me 💚💚
Beautiful piece Harneek (: love it
Thanks Tommy 😊
As human beings we are made to seek connections since we were born. But that doesn’t mean that you have to be dependent on somebody to make you happy. It’s true that what our close ones do might sometimes hurt. But your state of mind depends on how you respond to those situations. At least that’s what I concentrate upon. How it made me feel and how I’m choosing to respond.
Amazing Shanjitha, I love your approach on controlling how we respond when people are not able to meet our requirements 💚
For a seed to germinate it must be planted in the right soil, fertilised and watered regularly. It may not need as much care as it grows older but there will be times when it still needs to be cared for.
No man is an island. Loneliness kills. We must surround ourselves with people who fertilise our souls. Or else we will wither away.
Thanks Harun for these generous words and I completely agree the impact of right environment and people on your growth and wellbeing is enormous 😊
Yes exactly that’s why we need to choose people wisely in our lives. Sending you love on your journey 💚💚
Completely agree Edwin, thanks for your comment 😊
Thank you Elizabeth for your comment and sharing your story. I have been there too, seeking a lot of validation and approval in relationships. Now I am on a healing journey and understand what I was doing and how it could have burdened the relationship. But even though we complete heal and as healing is not a linear journey, we can sometimes have needs around some of our insecurities and it’s ok to seek emotional support during those times 😊💚