Choosing Easy or Hard?
A small update on life's strategy
Last year, I took few months off from my job. At the time, when I made the decision, I was not sure if I am doing right or wrong. I just knew the way I was feeling in those times, I can’t continue like that with something in back of my mind, which was screaming to be taken care of. With my job, I was not able to give the attention, care and compassion, some parts of me were seeking.
The unhealed parts of me which has always chosen things which looks or sounds hard was a bit disappointed. I always wore the badge of being strong with honor. By then I had realized some of these patterns in my choices already. My urge to prove to myself and the world that I am strong and my hesitation when it comes to asking for help even from my very close people. I believed in facing and handling everything on my own and then sharing my lessons with the world I learnt being in that hole. But now I am working towards breaking those patterns.
I do believe living in solitude and spending time with myself but there are some difficult parts of our lives where we can seek help and support from our loved ones. We all deserve love and care. We all deserve ease and softness. We all deserve to be taken care of, by our loved ones. The break I took felt like one of the best things that happened to me because of these reasons:
It was hard to ask for a break in a long-term project I was in, but somehow, I got courageous to ask for it. It truly felt like that I catered to my needs and feelings and took steps to make myself feel better. This is quite new to me, and I am learning to acknowledge and respect my needs every day.
I was home for Diwali after seven years of my life. What a delight it was for my inner child to be with my mum, dad and brother on a festival in my home country. I did write a piece on Diwali, if you wanna read it through.
Light and Darkness
I started my Substack weekly newsletter in that break. I have been delaying it for few months because of different reasons. One of the reason was I couldn’t decide on a name. Even now, after few months I still don’t have a name and I am searching for it, but I have enjoyed writing on Substack thoroughly.
I got to spend some beautiful moments with my grandmother, sitting under the winter sun, enjoying winter delicacies and just talking.
I got enough time to feel and process what I was feeling. When I came back to work this time, I felt lighter.
One day when I was returning from work in train, I started journalling and the question I was seeking the answer for was “have I changed my life’s strategy on choosing hard or easy stuff in life?” Until now, I have lived my life in a way that I have to make choices to kind of prove that I am strong. This belief was reflected in all the choices I have made, even the smallest ones. Although, because of this belief, I have landed in some good spots in life but also in some of the scariest ones without considering things I should have been considering while choosing them. So now onwards am I gonna choose the easy options in life? The answer was no. The change in strategy is not always choosing easy or always choosing hard. It is choosing hard stuff when you have capacity to do it and calculating some risks involved there before moving forward and choosing easy stuff when you are running low in energy or going through something. Also, the intentions behind your choices matter. Always question yourself, why are you choosing it? The blind spot here could be doing things to prove something to the world. Don’t fall for that. It is one of the most painful and exhausting things you can do to yourself. Make choices based on your values and the life you wanna build ahead. I am practicing this in my life now. I hope you all are doing well. Thank you for being here.
Lots of love and healing,
Harneek!
This week’s Recommendation:
The toxic mix of Grief and Burnout by
on importance of revolutionary rest in midst of visiting grief6 Months on Substack: Lessons From a Newbie by
’s words gave me hope and motivation to keep goingAsk Me Anything: Tips for New Writers by
. How does it feels when one of your favorite writers answers the question you have asked? I felt like crying, to be honest. Thank you Poorna for your kind and wise advice.