Light and Darkness

Allowing myself to fail

Happy Diwali to you all. Last Sunday, Diwali was celebrated all over the world. It is called festival of lights, and it symbolizes the victory of light over darkness, good over evil and wisdom over ignorance.

This Diwali I was at my parent’s house after many years. It always feels nice to be with family during festivals.

On Diwali, there is a tradition of making Rangoli at the entrance of your house. Rangoli is basically an art form where you draw patterns and fill those patterns with beautiful colors in powdered form, flower petals or grounded rice. It is called “sand art” or “floor art” in English. It has many symbolic purposes like it’s a gesture to welcome Lakshmi (the Hindu goddess of wealth), to invite good fortune and to keep evil at bay.

Growing up, I never made Rangoli at my house. I clearly remember my reasons and feelings behind it. I have always believed as a child that I was not good at drawing. I have always asked my cousin sisters or friends to do all my drawing for my school work. So, I believed as I am not good in drawing in general, I will not be good in making rangoli. Whenever I tried making rangoli, I was afraid of not making it as beautiful as others or not able to complete it. I remember my cousin drawing the pattern and I will just fill colors. Even while coloring, I will confirm from her several times to check if I am doing it right.

How did I form this belief? Was I actually bad at drawing? Why did I always find other’s rangoli more beautiful than mine? What are the parameters of a good rangoli and who decided those?

To be honest, I don’t remember how it all started. May be, someone once or twice criticized or made a comment on my drawing that it stayed with me for a long time.

So this Diwali, introspecting on my story, I made rangoli at the entrance of my house. I gave my inner child the permission to draw anything she wants without comparing it with anyone or measuring it against any standards. This is how my rangoli looked.

Did I like my rangoli? I loved it. Did I see other beautiful rangolis around my house or internet? Yes, there are a lot of artistic and creative people around. Did I wait for anyone to praise my rangoli? No, because the process of making it was so much fun and therapeutic that it didn’t matter what others thought about my rangoli. The process of choosing the pattern and the colors and the fun times I had with my brother and mum while making it matters more than anything.

This similar story can be applied to many things in life. Somewhere along the way, we got this belief that we are not good enough in general or not good enough in certain things. Because of this belief we hesitate to try those things. The fear to fail or not good as others stop us to start something new or experience things we haven’t tried before. So, this Diwali, I am learning to allow myself to fail, allow myself to learn, allow myself to be not good at everything and allow myself to do things just for fun.

I hope you all are keeping well.

Lots of love and healing to you,

Harneek!