Aches and Joys
The overlaps in your healing journey
Last year, I lost my apartment keys when I went for my evening walk along the same route I usually go. The key ring of the keys was a sparkled blue purple unicorn with a pink horn. I brought the unicorn key ring from a crafts market I attended once. I realized that my keys are missing when I reach back home and looked for keys in my jacket’s pocket. My hands couldn’t find the keys. I went back few times on the same route, looking for the keys. But no luck.
Fortunately, I usually leave the balcony door open and with some help I could get in the apartment from the back side. The next day I got the duplicate keys sorted out from the property management office. I had an extra key ring already at home, I put the new keys in the new key ring.
Although I got the new keys sorted out and my life returned to normal, I still looked for my unicorn key ring for weeks whenever I will go for a walk on the same route. Once during a walk, I had an illusion of seeing the unicorn keys on the grass. It was a candy wrapper in the same shades as my unicorn.
Similarly, in life, when we lose people, end things or just part ways from people, subconsciously we look for them for some time on the same routes we have lost them. There is nothing wrong in that, as that’s a step in the process of grieving and letting go of your past. In the journey, there will come a time when you stop looking for what you have lost, and you will feel a subtle courage of moving forward and look for new paths. The timeline to feel this courage can vary diversely. Could be weeks, month or years. As they say, there is no timeline when it comes to grieving.
In your journey, there will come a point when you feel the urge to move forward and experience new things but there will a part in you which is still grieving or aching for what you have lost. At this point, you will feel the overlap of grieving, letting go, surrendering, moving forward, experiencing joy and finding new ways to exist. Also, the more steps you will take forward, the more it might remind you of your lost old life or self and how much everything has changed. It could feel scary and overwhelming at times.
These days will feel surreal, confusing and exhausting like no other days in your journey. In moments, you will struggle to believe what you are experiencing, you will be confused as eff that who you are, and these thoughts might make you feel exhausted. On those days, you will look like an unfinished painting with traces of past in you, some fresh colors in you and your core loud parts you were betraying from years will be taking space. These days will make you wonder either you are moving forward or backward, is there any progress happened in all those years. But remember the progress is the home you built inside your heart, the progress is the tools you know to center yourself back and the progress is the acknowledgement of your feelings.
Be gentle with yourself on those days of your journey. Hold your hand tight and remember this overlap might be the last hardest days of your journey. Things will only get better from now onwards. Visualize, journal, brainstorm, dance, go on walks, retreats and decide what kind of life you want. Identify your values and act on them regularly. Choose people in your life mindfully and carefully like you would choose things to decorate your house. Imagine your life as a garden and decide what flowers or plants you wanna grow in your garden. Learn about the flowers and plants you love and sow the seeds of them in your beautiful garden. I hope you all are doing well and thanks for being here.
Lots of love and healing,
Harneek!!
This week’s recommendations:
Why You Have To Become Solo Comfortable by
on the importance of enjoying one’s own company and finding meaningful engagementsBeing Sensitive and Emotional Isn't Easy by
. I felt so much validated reading this one. If you identify yourself as sensitive and emotional, don’t miss this oneCan I Trust that Now is Enough? by
. Each line is so beautiful, on listening to your body and what it is feeling
Yes I completely agree on your observations about grief Patrick. And yes sometimes life is marked by what isn’t there, it hurts but that’s the nature of life. Thank you for your engagement and wisdom always. 😊
Two things normally happen when we lose something or someone we treasure. First, we try to replace them. This isn't a bad strategy, except that not all people, things, and memories are replaceable.
When we cannot replace, we turn to the second thing, which is wanting to get over it too soon. This is usually a mistake, and sometimes it exacerbates the pain. Loss and grief create voids that we have to live with at times, not rush to fill too soon.
Move on by substituting what can be replaced, but let gaps and voids talk as long as they will take (to fill) for what cannot be answered immediately. This is life, and sometimes half of it is marked by what isn't there.
A highly reflective post, Harneek. Thank you!