New Year, Old Reminders
On the days when subconsciously you are taking responsibility of everything
This week I attended an event, where the host ordered a cake for the New Year and the cake said “Happy New Year” on it.
While eating the cake, I wondered about how happy I have been feeling in the new year. I accepted, I have not been feeling great from last few days. This is the second week of the new year, and I have been doing very little but still I feel a sense of mental exhaustion.
I have been mostly agitated inside with everything happening. There are still things I am ticking off from my list but deep deep inside I am not at peace where I am at the moment.
To be honest, I am mentally at a place where I am constantly thinking the grass is greener at the other side and I am waiting or trying to reach the other side. The wiser part of me knows, there is no other side. The only side I have is the present moment. The other side will be created based on my feelings, intentions and actions in the present.
I am mostly annoyed with everyone reaching out for anything. Because the world feels like a burden at the moment. Everything mostly feels like a burden. I am waking up anxiously and I am struggling to sleep. I am having very weird dreams. Most of the dreams, I am on a mission where I am trying to solve something or reach somewhere.
There is also a part of me who is feeling shameful of what I am feeling in the new year. It feels like I left my inner peace in the year 2024. I had it in 2024 and as the calendar changed it got missing. Why? How?
It feels like subconsciously I am taking responsibility of everything and everyone around me. Also, I know that I should not be doing that, but I am struggling to not do that. I am scared to make choices for myself.
I am fearing the future. Not anything specific. Future in general. Like tomorrow. Day after tomorrow. Next week. Next month. You know what fear does, it forces you to fill your moment with anything that makes you numb towards your feelings and your present slips away. Present moment is the most precious thing you have.
You keep on searching for any relief everywhere you go and every person you meet. At the end of the day, there is a disappointment because your fear will meet you at your bed, sharing your pillow and waiting for you to acknowledge it.
Just few reminders for myself or someone who is feeling the same way as me:
You are not responsible for anyone’s mental and emotional state, other than your own.
People are good at handling disappointments more than you believe.
You can make choices that bring you joy, ease and peace not any mental exhaustion.
The people who love you will understand your choices. Sometimes it might take some time.
Even when there are people around you, you can still take some time in a day for yourself.
Feeling good is your birth right. Don’t let anyone manipulate you to feel anything other than that.
Nothing is there for you to change or fix. You can relax and let the world keep running as it is and at its own pace.
You are not here to prove anything to anyone. You are worthy of love, respect, rest and peace inherently.
You can just breath and exists in this very moment. Everything is ok now and will be in the coming future.
You are very brave for creating space for everything you are feeling.
You don’t have to understand and make sense of things happening now, you can take your time. No rush.
Lastly, I see your soft and tender heart. I will always love you for that, even when you messed up.
I hope you all are doing well. Thank you for being here.
Lots of love and healing,
Harneek!!
This week’s recommendations:
- . This one will help you to understand the power of self-awareness towards your own thoughts.
- . This one is full of wisdom you don’t wanna miss on Substack.
The Quiet Revolution of Self-Trust...#73. This one is about turning inwards and learning to respect and trust yourself.
I can totally feel you here harneek! All of this is okay unless you haven't gave up on yourself. Actually I see how strong you are to come out and let that all breathe here what all you have been feeling and goin through.! You are not alone. Thanks for those reminders. Keep pushin.🫂
This feeling (of confusion) will pass, too, Harneek. You'll see. I loved that list of reminders as well. Also, thanks for recommending my meditations.
To getting and feeling better this year.