Navigating hard bits of life
Cultivating trust in myself
Living as an observer of myself, I have noticed that some things or situations are hard for me because of different reasons. I think, there is a kind of relief in accepting that and then finding ways to navigate through those things in life. I have lived a life denying the hard bit and considering myself as weak for finding things hard. As a child, I have always found hard things or challenges very tempting. If you tell me, this is very hard and you can’t do it, I will definitely achieve it. May be, those wins have made me believe that I can do all hard stuff in life, or nothing is hard for me. Here I am, accepting that few things are hard for me and that’s completely normal.
When you accept that something is hard for you, you can think about why it is hard and when you know the why, you can think of making it easier for you from its root instead of trying to avoid it. For example, going in an event where I don’t know anyone is hard for me. One option is I should not go to those events. But if it is an event, I am interested in like a Substack event or a writing workshop then considering asking myself what part is exactly hard for me in the whole experience and then working on it can make all the difference.
The other example of something that has been hard for me and for the same reason I was avoiding doing it for many years is driving a car in my home country. Whenever anyone will ask me the reason for it, I would say it’s hard as no one follows any rules on the road. I have tried teaching some of the rules to my brother and he doesn’t listen. So that’s clear that I can’t teach people in my country to drive by rules. This time, when I visited my parents, I had an urge of going for a drive by myself to process something I was feeling. I couldn’t go that day as I was scared. The next day I asked myself, what I am scared of exactly. Surprisingly, my fear was not my life. My fear was harming my dad’s car. I made peace with that fear by explaining myself that the car is insured, so if something happens to the car, the insurance company will take care of it. So, I started driving one fine day and it was not bad. I actually realized that driving in a country where nobody is following any rules is different kind of easy as you are not scared to break any law or people overtaking you with stares when you are under speeding or getting a ticket in your mailbox when you are over speeding.
When you keep denying what you are actually feeling about something you are making it harder for you. The moment you acknowledge ya it’s hard for me, hundred doors open in front of you to make it easier for you. Next time, when you are feeling something is hard for you, consider asking yourself these questions:
Do I really wanna do it? Am I doing it for myself or proving something to someone?
What seems like the hardest part to me in the whole experience?
Do I know the reason why that part seems hard to me? Do I have any fears attached to that part?
What can I do to reprogram my fears related to that experience? Do I need to process something that happened earlier in a similar setup?
I have been learning to accept and deal gently with the things that are hard for me. When you are able to handle something you were scared of initially, you start trusting yourself more. You improve your relationship with your inner child. Your inner child feels that there is someone they can trust and be open about their real feelings. I hope you all are doing well and taking care of your inner child.
Lots of love and healing,
Harneek!