Feelings: An Internal Compass
On quitting environments that doesn't make you feel good
I have lived few years of my life acting from the place of fear always and never truly felt appreciated or valued in the environments I was in. I tried my best to please everyone around and adjust so that someday they will appreciate me and see my value. The part of me who is passionate to bring change thought that she can fix this.
When I came out of those environments, there was a lot to grieve but also a big sense of relief. Now when I look back, all my adjustments and people-pleasing were efforts to improve what I was feeling at the end.
Recently I was in a setup which was constantly reminding me of my past environment. I became this defensive, fearful and insecure person for a while. The environment was triggering some of my fears and insecurities. I was constantly acting from the place of fear. When we act from the place of fear, we don’t see things very clearly and likely to miss whatever good is happening around.
Once you have experienced yourself and life when you don’t always act from the place of fear, you can identify the places or events where you act from the place of fear. You can see the shift in your own energy when you become defensive or try hard to prove your worth.
When you stay in environment like this for long, you might lose sight of who you are. When you raise your concerns, people might blame it on you for your reactions, instead of understanding the impact of the environment on you. They might be incapable of seeing your point as for them living in this chaos and drama is their normal for years.
In the present situation, I tried few things to improve or shift but how I was feeling was not changing. I realized the more I continue here, the more exhausted and bitter person I will become. So, I decided it’s best for me to finish this off. The subtle sign of progress in my healing journey is less tolerance. My tolerance to bad behaviors or environments that drain my energy has decreased a lot in the last few years.
A part of me thinks that I might have lost some opportunities there, but I felt a big sense of relief. I am a happy and grounded person again. I could see things clearly; I could see what exactly was triggering me and my responses from the place of fear.
Now they say that what triggers you is trying to teach you something about yourself. But you can’t learn anything if you are feeling off-center and not supported in the environment you are in.
Sometimes it is just teaching you that you don’t deserve to be in an environment where you don’t feel valued and appreciated for what you bring. You can’t make people see value in what you bring to the table, which they are trying hard not to see it. “How you feel” is the best internal compass you can use to navigate this world.
Nothing in the world will make sense if you are constantly on your toes. You deserve to be in environments which mostly brings the ease in you. We all have some fears and yes, we need to work on healing from those. But maybe, it’s very human to get triggered and even have some fears. You can’t stay in the environments where you are in the that state constantly.
It’s your job to find and stay in the environments where you grow, flourish and feel good on day-to-day basis. It’s your responsibility to identify your emotional needs and choose environments which are capable of fulfilling it. If something doesn’t feel good, it’s not worth even a second of your presence and energy. This rule applies to everything in life from job to supermarkets to relationships.
Thanks for being here. I hope you all are doing well.
Lots of love and healing,
Harneek!!
This week’s recommendations:
On The Sweet Violence of Fate by
. This one will provoke you to look back and connect the dots which made you reach where you are now. Also, will remind of the inevitable end of everything.trophy husbands and the female ego by
. This one beautifully question you about your choices in men as a woman- . A simple and powerful reminder by Saima that life is happening right now
Trusting our feelings and prioritizing environments that nurture growth and well-being is so important. A powerful reminder to choose spaces that truly value and support us. Thank you, Harneek.
Sometimes we work so hard to change ourselves, but we can never do well in the wrong environments. Where we function is just as important as what we do. It's not always easy to change one's environment, but at least one must work hard and continuously to leave settings that make the job of becoming harder than it already is. Thanks for this one, Harneek.