Have you ever been in a mental state where you are not feeling regulated or at ease until you complete a certain task?
Here I am not talking about an office task where there is a deadline to meet, otherwise you will have serious consequences or may lose your job. I am talking about a chore which subconsciously a woman is supposed to do in the house or a social setting. I am talking about a task which if you don’t do now will not have any direct consequences, but you are still feeling anxious about it. I am talking about a task you can say no to or ask for help, but a feeling of guilt or shame follows after that if you do so. I am talking about a task which if you don’t do gives you a feeling of not being a good or useful woman.
To fight those feelings of not being a good or useful woman, you are always on your toes to make things happen. You think that if you complete one more task, you will feel better about yourself. Those feelings make you say “yes” to things, when there is a screaming “no” inside you. Those feelings make you ignore your needs, wants and desires to act like an easy woman. Those feelings make you believe that the tasks in front of you is more important than your physical and mental health. Those feelings make you betray yourself and please others. Those feelings make you shrink in a social setting. Those feelings make you disconnect from yourself. Those feelings suck all the energy out from you and make you a bitter person.
I have lived a lot of years of my life almost drowning in the fear of not being a good woman and constantly performing to prove that I am a good and useful woman. I used to be completely exhausted and still not ready to give up. I thought, I am not gonna repeat this pattern of proving anything to anyone in my life. But recently I was in an environment where those feelings came on surface again and I struggled. As they say, healing is non-linear. I again went in that cycle of constantly doing things to prove that I am a good woman. Even when I am resting, I am making plans in my mind what to do next. I am waking up as an anxious woman with a to-do list in her mind for which she is already late.
To be honest if you live in an environment for a long time which constantly forces you to prove something, you will be extremely tired mentally and will forget that there is a way out of that mental state. Your body and mind will fight hard to exit that environment. When you don’t listen to your body, staying in such circumstances can make you seriously ill. I think that’s the reason autoimmune conditions are common in women than men.
If you see yourself or any other woman around you stuck in this pattern, make them sit, offer them water and listen what they are saying without assigning a meaning to it or labelling them something. Do this with yourself too. As it’s easier to be angry than sad, you will see a lot of angry women who are just tired. Be aware that you can’t fix this for anyone. You can help others in some ways but it’s a very personal journey. Even with yourself, once you identify the pattern, you have to be extra patient and loving with yourself to alter it. You are not here to prove anyone, anything. You are worthy of everything beautiful in this life. For decades, you just knew that way of existing. To change the way of existing, takes time, effort, compassion and love. I hope you offer that to yourself and women around you. The journey will be tough one but worth the effort.
Lots of love and healing to you,
Harneek!!